I have always been very democratic towards children, really. In order to give her a sense of opinion, from the time she speaks, I will let her decide what clothes she wears, even if she goes to the restaurant to have her order.
Until one time, a doctor friend invited me and my child to dinner. I gave the menu to my girl. After ordering, my friend said to me: “Why are you asking your child to order? The last order is all you want to eat.”
Then he helped me replay and said that the child wanted to eat a piece of meat and wanted to eat another piece of meat. I said to her: “It’s not good to eat so much meat. Let’s remove one and replace it with something else.” The child agreed. Then I talked about the dishes I wanted to eat, and I said, “This is okay, but do you think this is better?” According to a friend, in the end, even the staple food was run away by me. So although the child ordered the food on the surface, it was all what I meant.
I was shocked by what he said. I never thought that I, who always thought I had given my child the most freedom, had been holding it in secret.
When I go home and think about it, from dressing to eating to making choices, we always infuse ourselves with the name of “good for children”, the only place that seems less domineering is to convince children through reasoning It’s not forced, but the kernel is the same.
To my surprise, this practice turned out to be a manifestation of parental narcissism. I cannot bear such a big pot.
Hurry to learn the comparison and reflect on it, it seems right.
From the birth of a child, those of us who are grown-ups, start to compare our own advantages from the flash points on our children. “This child has white skin, follow me.” “Big eyelids and big eyes, this one follows me.” Grow up a little bit more, “Yo, speak early, strong language skills, follow me.” “Learn things fast, just like me, clever.”
Then habitually push the shortcomings to others, “Walk late, this follows his dad, lazy.” “Don’t like to call people, this follows his mother.”
When you go to school, your academic performance is good, everything is at peace; once your study habits are not good, you have to ask, “Where are all the bad things that have been cultivated, lost all over?” “Who did this procrastinate learn from? “”Your teacher just taught you that?”
Able to accept the child’s strengths with joy, unable to accept the child’s shortcomings; be brave to accept the child’s strengths with your own, dare not admit some shortcomings with your own; happy to see the child’s good habits are cultivated by themselves, afraid to find some bad Habits are also developed at home, and even learned with parents.
The problem lies in the fact that it is a child, but what I see in my heart has always been myself. Every parent, don’t rush to clear yourself first, and think about whether you have these mentalities.
Although it is difficult to accept, I still have to admit that this is how I am. It’s not too late to wake up suddenly, we can learn some methods, put down narcissism as much as possible, see more children, feel more children’s needs. Everyone has a narcissistic complex, which is nothing shameful, but knowing but not willing to change, it is a bit shameful.