Having dinner with a friend, she told me miserably that she was “battered” by her daughter again-she had agreed to go to bed to watch a good cartoon, but after that, she would watch another one, and she would cry and hug her thighs. , And finally had to let her daughter read.
I said to her with great sympathy: “I’m sorry you didn’t follow the rules, and I will continue to do so next time.”
If the rules of the parents are unclear, the child will be in constant condition. But rules are not so easy to set up, but all rules have restrictions, and children naturally do not like to be constrained, he will set up obstacles when you set up rules. I summed it up, he generally beats most mothers in three strokes.
The first move, repeated nagging. The iconic language is “Mom, I want…” No matter what we say, he said this sentence, simple and rough, pointing directly at the goal. He was not bothered, and it was us who finally collapsed.
The second move, cry. He was crying so much that he could be heard by the world. If you think he’s just crying, he’s wrong-he is observing, observing your expression to decide whether to increase the volume or stop there. He used cries to test. Many mothers felt distressed liver tremors, surrendered quickly, and ended hurriedly.
The third move, sloppy rolling. This trick is the most dangerous, because at this time we are already furious. At this time, it is the easiest to heat up our brains, wave our hands, and simply clean up the bear children. But for children who are often scolded, the rebellious behavior during the rebellion period will be very prominent, and they will also learn simple and rough ways to solve problems from adults, which is even more undesirable.
Recently, I trained my son to wash his face, brush his teeth and wash his feet before going to bed, and it should be done within ten minutes. I led him to the front of the clock and showed it to him. It is now half past eight. If it is completed within ten minutes, that is, before the big finger points to “8”, I will tell three bedtime stories. After “8” , Just talk about two, after “9”, just talk about one, after “10”, there is no one. The child agreed.
During the first day of execution, he did not know the control time, and when all was completed, the pointer had exceeded “8”.
The three bedtime stories every night are the habits he has cultivated for a long time, and he can’t accept the fact that it has suddenly become less. So the first move came out-the second became a “repeater”, and only one sentence was said to me over and over again: “Mom, I want to listen to three, Mom, I want to listen to three…” I saw the move, attitude He responded firmly and softly to him: “Baby, we just set the rules together. Mom talks and counts, and baby does the same.” The sentence stated his position, and then he did other things without being entangled with the “repeater”.
The first move failed, he immediately used the second move-crying. When he was crying, I sat next to him to wipe his tears. When he opened his eyes while crying, he saw my sympathetic eyes. I said, “Baby is so sad, it must be because I like listening to stories too much, and it is too regretful.” Sincerely express sympathy and understanding, and feel the same about his situation. He cried louder when he heard it, and said, “Yes, I love listening to stories the most.” At this time, he cried more because he felt understanding and sympathy, and his anger value had decreased.
I went on to say, “Does baby want to listen to three bedtime stories every night?” Confirming his thoughts is very important in communication and can avoid many misunderstandings.
“Yeah, I just want to listen to three.” After he finished, he burst into tears. I interrupted him softly: “It must not work today, but is there a way for the baby to listen to three every night in the future?” As soon as this question was thrown, he immediately forgot to cry because he had to start thinking about me The question was raised.
After a while, he said: “I think I have to wash my face and brush my teeth faster tomorrow, and I can listen to three before the time!” This experience was summed up by himself, not what I told him. Very important. The problem for many parents is that they use their own nagging over and over again to stop their children from thinking about themselves.
“Wow, this is a great idea!” The timely compliments swept away the child’s unhappiness.
“I want to pick two very long storybooks for you to be able to speak and count and think of such a great idea.” I repeat the previous part of the children’s well done, and later emphasize “two” and “very long”. On the one hand Resolutely fulfilled his promise, on the other hand expressed encouragement and adjust mood. “Great! Mom I love you.” The child smiled happily.
Steady and steady, step by step. Unruly love is spoiling. Engage together, and use rules to escort love so that the child will not deviate from the course of growth.