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After husband cheated, she repeatedly seduce him back to the family

Opening line: According to statistics, in 2019 alone, the number of registered marriages in the country was 9.471 million, while 4.154 million were divorced. The divorce rate in China has been rising for 16 consecutive years. What caused the situation today, and will this trend continue in the future? Although we have no way of knowing this at present, it is certain that we can do something about emotional problems. For this reason, “Military Friend Overseas Edition” and “Military Psychology” jointly launched an emotional healing column, focusing on solving your emotional problems and helping you. Find a happy self.

Why would a man who swears to give you the best to cheat in his marriage? Why did the originally happy marriage become so fragmented? This issue of emotional issues will share Xiaowen’s story through her, telling us about the “turbulent waves” in the seemingly ordinary married life, and at the same time, our mentor has given strategies to this storm. Sexual guidance, and tell everyone how to learn to focus on emotional games in intimate relationships, scientifically resolve various third-party crises and conflicts in marriage, and subtly resolve communication deadlocks.

A bolt from the blue: my crying husband cheated
My name is Xiaowen and I am 35 years old. I used to think that the word “third party” would not have anything to do with me for the rest of my life. I thought he would only get better after marriage. I didn’t realize that I was really naive until the third party appeared.

My husband and I were college classmates. When I first fell in love, I didn’t actually like him that much, but he liked me very much. Once, I said to break up, he disagreed, and then used various methods to beg me to give up the idea of ​​breaking up, even holding my legs and crying, begging me not to leave him, saying that everything good will be given to me. He would correct everything that was bad, and I was relieved for a while, so there was no share.

After graduating, we got married naturally. From the day we were preparing for the wedding, he had always wanted a child, but due to my numerous overtime and business trip delays, I was still not ready for two years of marriage. Later, I felt that he seemed to be a little bit emotional about this matter, but deliberately did not talk about the children. Sometimes I deliberately said: “Let’s have a baby.” He replied coldly: “It’s okay. , Let’s focus on our work first, and it’s not too late in a few years.”

Because of this matter, we quarreled several times, or he was relentlessly trained several times by me. I said that I think his whole person has changed. When I got married, everything was toward me and everything was good to me. Now it is getting too much. His salary is only that little, and his expenses will increase a lot if he wants children. Milk powder diapers cost money to go to school, and you can’t afford it after birth. But he was just silent. I thought he admitted it, and even then we can still continue our beautiful life in a dull way. In the end, he cheated…

For a while, I always felt that he was chatting with me, and there was always a team that was perfunctory to me. On the contrary, he was very hot with the mobile phone. He did not use Weibo or play games. He seemed to be with me every day. People chat. When I asked, I said that there were a lot of things in the work group. I asked to see the mobile phone. He also said that there were no good-looking things about work. He found various reasons not to give me.

Doesn’t this show that there is no silver three hundred taels here? So when he was asleep, I quietly took his cell phone over to see what he was talking about every day. It’s okay not to look at it. After a few glances, I think the whole person is about to explode. He had an affair with a female colleague from his unit and had a relationship. Two people just blatantly talked about all kinds of privacy matters in WeChat. He didn’t even delete the chat history. Do you really think I am blind?

I woke him up angrily. We had a big fight. I was crazy and forced him to ask when he and this woman got together. Finally, he confessed that he was drunk during the team building. He couldn’t help himself because I was always busy with work during that time and didn’t pay much attention to him.

At that moment, I really felt that the whole world collapsed, as if something in my head was completely disconnected. Without even thinking about it, I picked up the phone and smashed it on his head. Then I grabbed the pillow, the cushion, and everything I could grasp, and slammed it at him crying. He was also irritated by me, saying that my whole person is getting sicker and sicker. Marrying me is simply the biggest mistake in my life. He doesn’t want to stay in this house anymore. So I became even more angry, and angrily said, “I can get a divorce.” Then, he actually sat up from the bed neatly, put on his clothes, and slammed the door directly.

I cried all night like a thunderbolt from the blue sky. I can’t understand why he treated me this way. The other person is just a colleague who only had a relationship. I was he who chased for so long and got married again. My wife! My husband, who has been chasing me for 3 years, once held my thigh and cried and begged me not to break up. He kept saying that he was the best lover in the world. He wanted to divorce me? Does he really not love me anymore? Seeing him slammed the door so unrelentingly, my heart was almost broken. The emotional mentors of soulmate psychology, what should I do?

Soulmate psychology: the partner can’t “take” strongly
Judging from the narrative of the help seeker alone, this is a typical “story in which the man is tired of long-term relationships, has accumulated enough disappointment, and turns into the embrace of others”.

In order to rectify Xiaowen’s self-recognition and see her real problems, we did a professional marital crisis assessment and found out the true problems of this relationship: Xiaowen did consciously hide a lot in the process of narration Important information.

For example, Xiaowen simply described her past relationship status as “work”, but the seeker has always been in an extremely strong attitude in the process of communicating with her husband since the date of love, that is, “request” and ” Claim”.

For a long time after the marriage, Xiaowen completely vented the negative emotions brought about by his work difficulties to the man. He did not notice that the man was actually in a very low mood during that period. He was eager to ask for help. The person gets some positive energy the same as when he is in love, but he can’t ask for it.

These negative emotions continue to accumulate invisibly, eventually leading to the man’s state, which on the surface seems to have suddenly produced a huge 180-degree deflection.

We often say that the first step to completely conquer a man, whether it’s redeeming, warming up feelings, reconstructing love, is to understand his thoughts and understand his true heart under the disguise of his language and behavior. Based on many internal researches, and according to her current situation, she has customized a set of third-party recovery and restoration program models based on “personal self-growth”, “communication skills”, “emotional expression” and “relationship repair”.

Emotional recovery: Guilt is the best medicine
In response to the requests of help-seekers, Zhiyin Psychology formulated a detailed emotional recovery plan.

1. Learn to attribute correctly and conduct self-reflection reasonably: The first week is the foundation, understand yourself, and acknowledge the facts you are willing to admit.

As far as Xiaowen is concerned, she is essentially in a relatively weak state now, but even when she came to seek my help, she still could not recognize that she has lost control or lost control in the intimate relationship. The vast majority of initiative.

Therefore, she has formulated two exclusive plans for her personally, allowing her to deeply consider the problems and actual positions and status quo of the two parties in the current intimate relationship, and persuade herself to recognize some facts that she did not want to admit, and reshape her self-recognition. know.

2. Change the inherent communication mode and express your emotions correctly: The second week is to adjust Xiaowen’s communication mode. In the following communication, the emotions in the language will be used to express emotional attention to the other party and weaken the male partner’s resistance.

In many cases, Xiaowen tends to be led by his own consciousness, and often ignores the feelings he brings to the man during the communication process. Therefore, after the relationship between the two people has completely deteriorated, the man has become very tough, and it seems that there is no room for recovery. .

Establish correct communication method after spouse derailment: 1. The first communication principle in intimate relationship; 2. Insight into the thinking differences between men and women and avoid ineffective communication; 3. The secret of “the more noisy, the sweeter”; 4. The intimacy that lasts for a long time The way to get along.

The contradiction between Xiaowen and her husband started with the man’s derailment. This problem has not been resolved from the root cause, but since it is decided to let the relationship continue, before the root cause is resolved, the student needs to show a proper presentation. “If this problem is resolved, then I won’t struggle again” attitude.

At the same time, instruct the help-seekers to try to express their innermost feelings in a more emotional state during the communication process, instead of being particularly strong about the other party asking for a statement as before, and telling the other party clearly: I I have completely accepted your fault, and I am willing to let it go.

3. Face the feelings that have already cracked correctly: For the derailment, there is a bottom logic that must be clear. The essence of derailment is that the emotional problems of the two parties in the intimate relationship first lead to this result. , So the most important thing to adjust is your own consciousness. Don’t just solve problems for derailment, but ignore the importance of adjusting the relationship between two people. Because in the close relationship between the two, the man has always been in a state of “giving” depression, and the subsequent “burst of derailment” is indeed also largely due to the rebound of this depression.

Therefore, during this period of time, we must fully think from the man’s standpoint, and continuously guide him to recall and associate positive memories shared by him in the past through suggestive guidance. In particular, you can use some more ritual behaviors to re-establish the “emotional link” for the current feelings, and actively give something he has been eager for but has never obtained, to make up for the past emotional debt. In this way, the relationship can be completely repaired.

Under the design and planning of the psychology teacher of the soulmate, Xiaowen invited her husband to meet and have a long conversation. Before the meeting, I repeatedly emphasized the following meeting rules to Xiaowen:

Meeting rule one: The key is to release the charm and attraction after self-growth + provide positive emotional value + the tension of detachment.

Meeting rule two: positive emotional value output.

To put it bluntly, emotional value is to make people happy with you and make men feel comfortable and at ease around you. In fact, in life, there are fewer women who can always radiate positive emotional value to their surroundings.

4. Meeting and dating, sublimation attracts again: You must know that to save your husband on WeChat is usually just a pawn on paper. Face-to-face “seduce” is the key to victory. Therefore, after Xiaowen’s husband started not replying to her WeChat, we can only find ways to invite him out to meet. In our previous cases, most of the resurrection cases were achieved through meetings. Meeting is an all-round attraction feast of sight, hearing, touch and smell.

However, there are two types of charm to show when meeting: “external attraction” and “spiritual attraction”. The external attraction includes eye flirting, voice magnetism and body language. After our guidance, Xiaowen’s mastery is natural. Her current eye flirting is vivid and not deliberate, her voice is gentle and magnetic, and her body language is charming and interesting. .

5. Guilt is the best medicine to inspire a man’s strong sense of responsibility and mission: When Xiaowen regained her husband’s attention, because she could not blindly show her glamorous side, we guided her to convey “I am happy on the surface, but Because without you, I’m not doing well, just pretending to be strong.” After our long preparation and momentum, Xiaowen’s husband’s strong sense of responsibility and mission has emerged at this time.

Finally, we aimed at Xiaowen’s husband’s willingness to help others, we designed him to help Xiaowen solve some simple trivial things, such as making a complicated PPT, translating an obscure foreign language material, or helping the seeker to repair the light bulb at home Water pipes and so on, let the husband deepen the pride of “what can you do without me” and the desire to take care of him again.

Take advantage of the trend and give the target some memory to kill: “Remember what happened before? Or how did you help me deal with it. Now it still depends on you, do you think I am very useless?” With help, Xiaowen managed to save her husband after a month and a half.

Conclusion: Whether you are experiencing a third-party problem or other unsolvable emotional crisis, the recovery guidance provided by the soulmate psychology will never teach you to ask someone to go home in a low voice, but to use a set of strategies to set up scientific operations The system tells you how to establish a new way of getting along with him by improving the senior’s disadvantages, so as to attract him to take the initiative to go home, and ask you to reconcile.

Marriage is the battlefield of two people working together, not one person. No matter how hard a person tries, you can’t manage a marriage. If you are facing a marital crisis at this moment, you are helpless to restore him and are not willing to miss it. If you want him to restore you, you have to Learn to focus on emotional games in intimate relationships, scientifically resolve various third-party crises and conflicts in marriage, and skillfully resolve communication deadlocks.

If you are also struggling in the vortex of emotional problems, welcome to contact us, professional mentor consulting services, customized services, focusing on solving your emotional problems.

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