The Regrets of Life: How to Avoid Settling for Second Best

　　At the beginning of the year, some media announced the ranking of the “Top Ten Regrets in Life”. Statistics showed that more than 37 million netizens participated in the voting. Among the “Top Ten Regrets” selected, the top one was: failing to cherish the time when I was young and getting into a good university. Being inactive; secondly: regretting getting married too early and choosing the wrong person/missing out on first love.
　　Hot discussion among netizens: All the regrets can be condensed into one sentence, that is, when you should endure hardship, you are greedy for enjoyment and learn nothing; when you should be sober, you can’t resist the temptation and fall into confusion… Many regrets are
　　all They only see the immediate benefits and forget the principle of enduring hardship first and then enjoying happiness, paying first and then reaping. By the time you realize you are wrong, everything will be wasted. Qian Zhongshu said in the novel “Fortress Besieged”: There are only two kinds of people in the world. It’s like having a bunch of grapes. One kind of people eats the best ones first, while the other kind of people saves the best ones for last. On the surface, the former is optimistic and the latter is pessimistic. In fact, it is exactly the opposite, because the first type of person only has memories, while the second type of person still has a future.
　　This sentence cleverly reflects the confusion and helplessness of modern people about marriage, career, and life. It is recognized by readers at home and abroad as a wise saying that “will not be outdated in five hundred years.”
　　Thirty years ago, when psychology first entered our lives, there was a popular test question: When eating grapes, should you eat the smallest ones first, or the largest ones? It is said that this is used to test whether people are optimistic or pessimistic. Thirty years later, this question has a variant: when searching for products on Taobao, should you sort them from high price to low price, or from low price to high price?
　　The two questions originate from different eras and carry the imprint of their respective eras: the grape test is simple and clear, with a practical color when you first learn about psychology; the price ranking test externalizes complex psychological activities and gives a Simple standards. But the core part of the two tests is actually the same – whether you are willing to see a good life and whether you are sure that you can receive a good life. There is also an important hint hidden here: Did the choices you made happen after seeing a better life?
　　People’s choices are not naturally formed. They must go through countless studies and trials before they can be truly formed. If you know how to live a good life, you will definitely not be willing to immerse yourself in a ruined life; if you know that there are better choices, you will naturally not pursue a second-rate life. Deciding to settle for the second best often happens without knowing that what you are pursuing is a second-class life. There is no retreat, no seeking, but natural adaptation because I don’t know that there is a better life.
　　The Danish movie “Babette’s Banquet” tells this story: a famous female chef who retired from Paris, in order to make the villagers look up a little from their gloomy life, used the lottery money to entertain the whole village to enjoy a feast. A feast. Although, after the feast, everyone must return to their own lives and endure the sense of emptiness, the dust in their hearts has peeled off a little, and there are a little more thoughts in their lives.
　　Even if you have experienced a better life, you must always revisit it. As the psychologist Fromm said: “People not only have the instinct to be good, love, and live, but also have the instinct to go down and die. , two instincts, always riding a seesaw.” If you have been immersed in a collapsed life for a long time, if you don’t return to a good life in time, you may go downhill. Just like in the past few years, after experiencing life during the special period of the epidemic, people have learned to restrain their needs and desires, and learned to compress their inner territory. Repairing the heart and returning to the previous physical and mental state requires awareness, vigilance, and time.
　　Many people have never met the right person or experienced a good relationship in their lives, and from then on they live in simplicity and settle for the next best thing. They think that this is a necessary form of life. Some people are able to meet good people and good relationships, and they will always have expectations for relationships from then on.
　　Therefore, people are nourished by people, and their level is reflected by the people around them, and is also levered up by the people around them using love as a fulcrum. Good people and good love make people gentle and complete, noble and fresh. Only after you have experienced good love can you know what love is. This kind of knowledge gives people more confidence in the world. What we are looking for throughout our lives is such a person who complements and leverages each other.
　　The life we ​​experience is not the only one, nor is it all. There must be a better life and a better form of love in the world waiting for us to find it.