The recently released movie “The Vanishing” has once again aroused heated discussions on domestic violence among the public. The male protagonist in the film, He Fei, is addicted to gambling. His wife Li Muzi has paid off her huge gambling debts several times, but she has not been able to change his ways. In the end, in order to embezzle his wife’s billions of property, He Fei killed her while the two were traveling abroad.
The word “domestic violence” is frequently on the trending searches. Many domestic violence cases are not known to the public at all, and only the victims suffer in silence.
Why do they point their fists at their partners?
After many cases of domestic violence are exposed, onlookers are very puzzled as to why people who are usually serious and responsible at work, sincere and enthusiastic towards their friends, and seem to be very good to their partners, would engage in domestic violence.
Many abusers have one thing in common: they need exclusive authority and a sense of superiority to be obeyed.
In order to achieve this goal and gain their own inner pleasure, perpetrators often confuse dominance with love. What they are best at is holding high the banner in the name of “love” and doing things that have nothing to do with love.
For example, in an intimate relationship, controlling the personality of the other party. At first, the perpetrator may just restrict the victim’s clothing; later, it will gradually evolve to restrict the victim’s social circle, number of trips, etc. Moreover, they often use various rhetoric to “justify” their actions.
For example, when he restricts his partner’s personal social interaction, he may say: I am not restricting your freedom, but you are too naive. I am worried that you will meet someone with evil intentions. Everything I do is just to protect you. At this time, many victims are often still in deep confusion, because the perpetrators really do it for their own good. Gradually, the victim will be increasingly controlled and dominated by the abuser’s words, and in this intimate relationship, he will unknowingly become the one who loses power and is despised. When victims behave in ways that make the abuser feel that things are trying to get out of their control, the latter will be angered and think that the other person is resisting and betraying them, so they resort to violence.
Housewives and those who marry far away are the “hardest hit areas” for domestic violence
According to statistics, housewives and women in distant marriages are more likely to suffer domestic violence. Why is this happening? Many housewives are imprisoned in daily necessities all year round and can easily cut off contact with the outside world. They only revolve around their husbands and children every day, and they are easily controlled by their husbands. This is what is often called “PUA” on the Internet.
The same is true for marriages involving distant marriages. The husband’s family is in a brand new city, which will cause the wife to fall into an isolated and helpless state. If you meet a good lover, no matter you become a housewife or marry far away, everyone will be happy. But if you meet an unqualified partner, the “nightmare” may begin.
For example, when the two parties encounter conflicts and quarrel, and the woman accuses herself of mental harm, the man will be indifferent or even deny the existence of her negative emotions. He might say, “Look at how out of shape you are, who else wants to marry you besides me?” “I work so hard every day to make money to support my family, and you only need to stay at home to spend time with your children. What else is there to be dissatisfied about?” “You have no money and no house here, and you rely on our family to support you. Why don’t you know how to be content?” and other rhetoric to belittle your partner’s social nature, personality, family relationships, personal qualities, etc.
When a person often uses derogatory words towards his partner, his partner should pay attention. He is probably testing your bottom line, which is likely to be a sign of impending domestic violence.
The first is verbal testing. If the other party accepts it, the next time there is a conflict or quarrel, it may escalate to physical violence.
If you encounter domestic violence, try these 5 methods
The first reaction of many victims of domestic violence is often not to ask for help, but to reflect on themselves: Did I do something wrong? Did I really do something wrong? Am I not a good partner?
Don’t think so! If you believe in the “victim guilt theory”, it will be difficult for you to escape domestic violence.
After correcting such misconceptions, the following methods can effectively help you after encountering domestic violence –
√ Collect evidence of violence
. When you are physically violent for the first time, call the police in time to retain evidence, even if you cannot escape from this period. relationship, and can also provide effective legal materials for future prosecution or divorce.
√ Seek help from legal organizations around you,
such as the Women’s Federation, public security agencies, community departments, etc., and be sure to protect your own safety before reporting and collecting evidence, and do not anger the perpetrator in an unsafe environment.
√ Study “successful cases”
If you are temporarily unable to leave this intimate relationship mentally, you can try to find some good examples in real life of people who have been domestically abused, but have successfully left unhealthy relationships and lived after separation to understand and contact them. , subconsciously, laying the foundation for seeking a new social identity.
√ Build self-awareness.
Treat yourself as your own spiritual support. When questioned by the outside world, stick to the right path and walk on your own.
√ Accept psychological counseling when necessary
to help people in unhealthy emotional relationships have the courage to resolve this unbearable relationship. Help those who have successfully escaped from domestic violence to heal their psychological shadow.