Fire sequelae

  She sat there, stroking her neck, her head stretched forward, her eyes drooping. Spread your hands out and lay flat on your knees. Place the thumb of your right hand on the base of the middle finger, with the palm of your hand slightly upturned, motionless. Like a hermit master who is practicing in retreat, and like a fairy and bodhisattva who counts silently. It’s a pity that she wore gray hair like withered grass, her expression was resentful and resentful, and she didn’t have the tranquility of holding flowers. That face made people look uncomfortable, I even avoided her eyes intentionally or unintentionally, and I didn’t want to interpret the content. In fact, she caused us anxiety and annoyance.
  A fire disaster dominated her tragedy four years ago, and she repeatedly mentioned and showed her hands on every occasion. In the twelfth lunar month of winter, the clothes were extremely thick, and there was a power outage in the house. She made coals for cooking, and alcohol for the fire. She panicked, her hands lit up, but she didn’t take off her clothes in time. After the clothes caught fire, they burned violently, and the flesh was rolled and cracked. When she was in severe pain, she smelled the scent of oil overflowing, which made her dare not eat pork again for a long time. During the emergency treatment in the hospital, the skull was swollen like thunder and shouted day and night. Anxious fire attacked the heart, invaded the internal organs, and had to eat a few catties of pears and a few bottles of boiled water overnight. The doctor said he had to amputate his limbs, otherwise he could not be saved. She was trapped in a dungeon and in a trance, hysterically blocking her, willing to commit suicide and not allowed to cut off her hands. During this period, he was critically ill many times, and he almost died and came back to life. After more than four months, she was able to get out of bed and walk around, and she was so thin that only a skeleton was left.
  After retelling this experience, she concluded that thanks to her kindness, she did a lot of good deeds when she was young, and accumulated virtue to let her escape the catastrophe. I hurriedly complimented her, saying that if she survived a catastrophe, she must be lucky. She was noncommittal about this sentence. The sequelae of the fire are obvious. In her words, one of her hands was burned by alcohol, blood vessels were blocked, and she couldn’t use her strength. Cook a bowl of porridge and stir-fry a dish without eating it in your mouth. I couldn’t hold the bowl with my hands, and the bowl at one end seemed to be pierced by needles, breaking countless dishes a year. Exuberant heart, often dry mouth. In this regard, she praised me, saying that I was kind, polite, and polite. Because every time she comes, I take the initiative to put aside the things in my hands and give her tea and water. And she must drink water continuously to contain the raging fire that surging inside her body.
  She went on to say that she stayed in the hospital three or four times a year. In more than 300 days, there is no good day. A large and small illness, bronchitis, asthma, cardiopulmonary spleen and kidney problems, rheumatism, numbness, duodenitis, high blood pressure… I guess, she said all the common symptoms she knew. The key is eye disease, there is a cloud of fog in the eyes, and the vision is blurred. I often fell and broke my hands and feet several times, and once I broke my tail bone. The pain was unbearable. But there is no way, she will be restless day and night if this certificate is not handled properly. “If I fall for this matter, I don’t want you to be held accountable.” After she finished speaking, she didn’t know what to say, and added a leisurely sentence, as if we were the culprit in all the disasters.
  After I listened carefully to these in the past, it’s time to get into the topic. Every day, she strictly wears a mask, a blue cloth dress, and clean shoes and socks. When speaking, he pulled the mask to his chin, exposing that mouth that was frighteningly cold. After all, she was shrewd and capable when she was young, her kindness and bravery, her success and the disaster she suffered, she has said in every office, to every staff member, and she has to repeat it every day. We have heard it countless times. When I heard that I was bored and unbearable, I had to go out, avoid her temporarily, or interrupt her, and change the subject. It’s wise to go out, and it will make people regret it if you take her words and ask about business. She is not at all a fixed impression of an ordinary old lady in the eyes of ordinary people, kind, gentle, or honest and clumsy. She is clever-toothed, chattering, snarling, and secretly changing concepts, saying that the dead are alive and the black as white. It is inevitable that everyone will be frustrated in her “machine gun” and raise their hands to disarm. Even the most eloquent, good-tempered, and good at doing ideological work are helpless and defeated. Every time she says less than a few good things, she habitually accuses the Disabled People’s Federation of deceiving others and doing too much. Everyone took a detour when they saw her. Only me, with nowhere to go, she just sat in the office chattering endlessly. If I can’t bear it, and occasionally make a sentence or two, she seems to have found the target and fired at me. At this time, she would immediately forget that I just brought her tea and water, and won her praise. I have become a sinister and despicable villain, and I have never been kind to her.
  She rarely has a quiet time. She talked endlessly, stating her misfortune and injustice, like a magic sound, which made people despair. If you speak up, you can only obey her. But you can’t explain the policy to her, tell her about the procedures, and you can’t ask her to follow the rules. Otherwise, you are a cruel executioner, a conspirator with unpredictable intentions, and a cruel and ruthless poisonous scorpion.
  ”The conscience is bad, you are so poisonous.” When she said this to me for the first time, I couldn’t help but trembled. It was the first time I heard such an evaluation after living so long. Later, she gradually became immune to her accusations. Sometimes, she also makes sense. When I got off work, I was in a hurry to turn off the lights and close the door, but she remained motionless, and I reminded her euphemistically. She became furious, thinking that I had a little heart, she was not a thief, and she didn’t care about the things in the house, and would never take away even a piece of paper. I quickly clarified that it was not that I was worried about the loss of the property, but that I was afraid that she would leave it alone, and I couldn’t afford it. She didn’t make a sound when she heard it. After a while, she started to pack her things and left slowly. This was the only time she followed my advice without questioning or refuting it.
  In order to make us believe that she was not making trouble without reason, she talked about her youthful glory a hundred and one times. She once found a thick wallet accidentally on her way to earn a living when she got up early, which contained a number of bank cards and various documents, and a pile of cash. She didn’t even count, so she handed it all over to the police. Later, the owner came to the door and asked for a heavy reward. She confiscated everything, even if the family was too poor to open the pot. This is enough to prove that she is not a person who is greedy for small gains and is open to money. She has noble morals and came to the Disabled Persons’ Federation, and the demands expressed are reasonable and legal and well-founded.
  Our communication has never been smooth, often interrupted by her anger and insults, and there are also disputes and excuses during the period. From these conversations, I struggled to find clues, trying to restore some crucial fragments of her life.
  When she was young, her family was in embarrassment and her life was very difficult. The husband is honest and cowardly, and can’t help no matter what, it depends on her to get up in the middle of the night to go to bed and work hard to bring the three children up. I was so tired that I was so tired that I was now seriously ill. She didn’t mention the fire. In fact, after the fire, she was rated as a fourth-degree disability by the hospital, and half a month later, she happily took the disability certificate from the application window. That was three years ago. Because her level of disability is not enough for her to receive a monthly subsidy of 200 yuan for severe care and living difficulties, she feels deeply bullied, throws away her disability certificate, and starts to entangle between various departments.
  ”I am a useless person now, which means I am dead.” She yelled abruptly. Trying to win everyone’s sympathy with her own misery, opening the door to her requirements.
  The staff of the grassroots civil affairs department said that they could not apply for subsidies to her. According to the policy, her family is in a good family, not below the poverty line, and her children are able to support her. Moreover, her level is not up to the standard. “Go to the Disabled Persons’
  Federation, and you must be upgraded by the Disabled Persons ‘ Federation .” But she wanted to save all steps and forced the Disabled Persons’ Federation to directly upgrade her certification. She didn’t understand. She had suffered so much and suffered so much, why did the Disabled Persons’ Federation ignore it? The Disabled Persons’ Federation should send her the certificate that proves her disability directly, so she actually needs her to go through the procedure?

  That’s the problem. For the Disabled Issue. But she thinks that if she is asked to go to the hospital for identification, she just wants to kill her again.
  Sickness and disability are usually mutual cause and effect, but there is actually a boundary between the two. Which old man is not sick? Illness can only be used as a proof of disability, but it cannot be equated to a standard. It is possible to recover from a disease, and it does not necessarily cause disability. She believes that she is seriously ill and has multiple disabilities. The combination of her burned hands and weak eyesight is enough to determine a severe degree, and there is no need for examination at all. However, in my country’s disability assessment standards, multiple disability classifications are classified according to the classification standard of the most severe category of disability. What she said is blindness and inability to see objects, and there are also exaggerations. Every day, she rides alone from home to the county seat and then to the office on the fifth floor of the Disabled Persons’ Federation. It is accurate and can not be moved. I have seen too many visually impaired people, if half of her is quick and smooth, perhaps their suffering will be reduced a lot.
  The two sides are in a stalemate, and she has always emphasized that she is not here to force a bargain. Her evidence is that the People’s Hospital has identification materials, but the doctor is afraid to fill it out. She let her fifteen-year-old grandson read it and said that the disability column was clearly ticked in the proof. She fumbled for a crumpled piece of paper. The origin of the piece of paper is unknown. It is neither a hospital appraisal nor from the Disabled Persons’ Federation. It may be a certificate issued by a certain department that does the investigation work. According to her four-level certificate, she checked the disability column. She believes that the disability certificate is the one who can get money for the first and second level, and the third and fourth level is the false certificate used by the Disabled Persons’ Federation to deceive people and coax ghosts. She believed in the authority of the paper for no reason, and instead of seeking verification and inquiry, she blamed it on the Disabled Persons’ Federation.
  Yes, tick it, it proves that she is disabled, but if she wants to upgrade, she has to be re-identified by the doctor. The staff tried to talk about policies and reason, and tried to communicate with her. Disability certificates are divided into seven types: sight, hearing, speech, body, spirit, intelligence, and multiple. Each type has four levels, of which the first and second levels are severe. The doctor did not give her a grade or type. How can the Disabled Persons’ Federation issue a certificate?
  ”The hospital won’t give me an identification.”
  ”If the doctor doesn’t give you an identification, you have to go to the hospital, not the Disabled Persons’ Federation.”
  ”Doctors dare not appraise.”
  ”Why don’t doctors dare to appraise?”
  ”The Disabled Persons’ Federation threatens that if the doctor appraises me, they will find him. The doctor is afraid of the Disabled Persons’ Federation.”
  “Only doctors have the qualifications for appraisal. The job of a doctor. The hospital and the Disabled Persons’ Federation are two independent organizations that perform their respective responsibilities. There is no one who is afraid of whom, and the Disabled People’s Federation is even less qualified to look for him. Besides, no one of the Disabled People’s Federation knows you, never knows you, and has no injustice. No enmity, why do you want to interfere with you in going to the hospital for a normal assessment?”
  ”That is, I also want to ask, I have no grievances with you, why are you so bitter, bullying me illiterate, bullying me can’t see? Doctors are good people People sympathize with me. It’s like you are vicious and bullying the honest old people.”
  She cleverly took the topic and attacked the shield of the son with the spear of the son. We were silent. At this time, through verifying the hospital and the government department where the household registration is located, everyone already knows that the truth of the matter is not what she said. She is familiar with laws and national policies, and is also familiar with the procedures for the county’s disabled persons to apply for certificates. As early as after obtaining the certificate for the first time, she had been arguing repeatedly in the township government departments. After many mediations to no avail, we finally found us. She knew that following normal procedures, she could not get the results she wanted, so she refused to go to the hospital for disability assessment.
  ”I’m sick and I can’t even be rated at the second level. I have the Disabled Persons’ Federation and I have to be graded by a doctor. I want to call me to go to the hospital again. The doctor is not like you with bad conscience.”
  She suddenly splashed, confidently. Scold us. Perhaps the long-term hospitalization experience brought her too much trauma, wandering between life and death, suffering from illness, sinking and struggling in pain, and deeply disgusted and fearful of going to the hospital for appraisal. We explained the identification procedure to her, soothed her, and did a check that would not cause her extra pain. She couldn’t hear her at all, and she repeatedly said that the doctor irradiated her eyes with a laser pointer and took them again and again. The process caused her eyes to bleed with pain and made her die. She has lingering fears about this. If anyone asks her to go to the hospital for identification, he will stabb her, let her die, and want to kill her again. However, when it comes to doctors, she may have saved her life, and she is very fond of them. She has repeatedly compared doctors with the staff of the Disabled Persons’ Federation, and we are heinous people in her eyes.
  She vividly described the process of applying for the certificate before, how the personnel for applying for the certificate gave her a false certificate that didn’t work in any way without carefully checking the identification of the hospital. The perfunctory staff was perfunctory and had a bad attitude. Even if she can’t see clearly, she can guess the impatient look and disdainful expression on the face of the certification officer. She even imagined that there were some onlookers standing next to her, knowing all the inside information, but helplessly, she watched the certification officer deceive her. She happily took the certificate to apply for the subsidy, but was told that she could not meet the requirements, so she went to the hospital. At first, it showed that she was still handling things according to the procedures. However, the doctor determined that she did not meet the re-assessment criteria and refused to appraise her and asked her to go to the director. But it was just a prevarication, just like the doctor said that she did not dare to appraise her, and it was also just a prevarication of being forced to helplessly. They didn’t tell her where to find the director, what was the director’s surname, and what was his name. She sat there for a long, long time. Later she learned that the person walking up and down in front of her was the director, and a young assistant was behind him. They all knew her situation, but no one came forward to speak up. It was not until they left that someone told her that that person was the director just now.
  The process of the director avoiding her in the hospital gave her plenty of room for imagination. The plausible scenes, the blurry lights and shadows, the crowd of onlookers, the doctors who want to talk… they are threatened by unknown reasons, and they are helpless. Through imagination, she sketched out a conspiracy planned by the Disabled Persons’ Federation and aimed only at her personally. She is the perfect victim.
  Since it was persecution, of course she could not accept it. If you want to ask her who is the doctor who is afraid to appraise her, or who is the staff of the Disabled Persons’ Federation who went to secretly threaten the doctor, she will reply without seeing or knowing. Since you don’t even know who the other party is, how can you trust them and not the staff of the Disabled Persons’ Federation? Her reason is that the doctor’s conscience is not bad.
  After a dispute, the two sides died down. But she will come again to summarize the statement: You agree, I disagree. If you follow that procedure, I won’t follow it. I have a basis, you don’t want to talk nonsense. The doctor didn’t dare to fill in, that’s because their conscience is not bad, and they don’t fill in randomly. How can they be like you group of vicious murderers and executioners.
  She almost fought against the heroes, cursing with her own strength that we couldn’t repay. To be honest, everyone was dumbfounded by her. She couldn’t make sense with her, so she knocked on her side to inquire about her family. When asked about her children, she was vague and talked about him. Vaguely aware of her, the family probably also kept her away. Her husband was deceived and controlled by her orders throughout his life, only willing to do things honestly, and let her toss the rest. The children have their own families and businesses, indifferently indulging all her behaviors. It seems that she is not a wife, a mother, or someone’s grandmother. This person has nothing to do with them, and they can’t control her. The staff made it clear that they did not communicate well with her and wanted to talk to her family. After hearing this, she became furious, thinking that it was not counted that the Disabled Persons’ Federation bullied her, and wanted to abuse her children and grandchildren. Children and grandchildren have work, study, and life, and have no obligation to be taught by us.

  After multiple contacts and coordination, two staff members came to her community. They have always smiled bitterly, and we don’t need to introduce them to show that they have already deeply understood her brilliant record. When she saw them, she seemed very gentle and submissive, and only muttered a few words in a low voice, and then went home with them. But the next day, we never expected that she came to report on time again. There was also a hint of sarcasm and cunning on her face, as if our little tricks could not fool her. It is suggested to accompany her to the hospital for appraisal; if she does not want to go to the hospital, she can also contact the doctor for on-site appraisal; or let her family come to communicate and negotiate to resolve the matter. All these opinions met her fierce opposition.
  In short, there are countless important things that need to be dealt with urgently, and her matter is still pending. This confrontation, which could not find a solution, seemed to have no end, and both sides appeared exhausted. I have been anxious. In the face of her accusations and accusations, I kept picking my nails and twisting my hair. I naively thought that everything can be communicated. Through communication, let her put down her mind and guard, accept us sincerely, and follow our suggestions until the matter is satisfactorily resolved. I want her to believe that we are not bad people, and no one in this world wants to harm her for no reason.
  After more than two months of entanglement and nothing, she may have been instructed by some superiors and changed her strategy. She became polite, humble and smooth, lamenting our hard work and complicated affairs. She praised everyone one by one and sat there without noisy. For a while, the office was full of joy, and both the guests and the host were happy. This gave us an illusion that she could communicate, but after trying, we found that she was still the same she was.
  When things got to this point, I suddenly discovered that she may have become so paranoid and unkind because of her painful experience that is unforgettable. She has some spiritual hidden dangers to some extent. She thinks that she is living in a circle full of malice. The disabled union should be the best channel for her to vent her anger and pass on her hatred. Perhaps, because of the loneliness of the elderly, because of the shadows of the past that are difficult to get rid of, she used this matter as a motivation to live, and she has forgotten her original purpose.
Newspaper scavenger

  In a week, he always comes like that one or two times. He raised Erlang’s legs, read the newspaper pretendingly, and devoted himself very seriously. Several times, when I looked at him, I felt ashamed. We easily own these newspapers, but no one even stops their eyes on the typefaces for a while. We have never cherished these newspapers, and have no interest in the news about long stories and trivial discussions. We are addicted to the Internet, enjoying the convenience and ease brought by the fast food culture. However, he is different, he has a clear goal. Every time I entered the door, I quickly found all the newspapers in the room, stacked them on the benches, sat down in a big manner, and looked at them carefully. But as long as I leave for a while and come back, he will be gone. Together with all the newspapers, it is almost impossible to guard against. His quick reaction and the speed of his movements are staggering. I regretted the self-assertion and hypocrisy just now, and I was embarrassed to the point of becoming angry. Next time he comes again, the same trick will be repeated, and I will no longer be emotional. He usually sinks his face and doesn’t give him a good face.
  Normally, he wears a round hat similar to the Red Army cap, except that there is no five-pointed star on it. He wore an old-style Chinese tunic suit and Jiefang shoes, with two pens pinned to his pocket, and his dress was extremely simple. He was a very common image of an old cadre in the 1970s and 1980s. If you hadn’t dealt with him for a long time, you wouldn’t see him strangely. Almost all the nearby institutions, it is difficult to keep him out. It is his daily behavior to visit these departments in turn. He was carrying a basket with water glasses in it, and even a steelyard, like those who went to every house to collect garbage and do business.
  He didn’t come to do business, or he went to various departments to fetch newspapers, and fetch them blatantly. He cherishes every word in the newspaper, and he is often obsessed with reading it. However, this was only a superficial phenomenon. He read it for a while, and while the staff was distracted, he asked lightly. Anyway, we don’t read these newspapers. It would be a waste to put them here. It’s better to let him take them away. He wants to go back and read them. Without waiting for a reply, he carried all the newspapers into his basket, picked up and left. Most of the time, he didn’t even ask, walked in and said hello, talking to himself, all the books and newspapers in the office were in his pocket. Especially at noon, when everyone went for dinner or lunch break, he mostly picked it up without asking. When people came back, the table was much neater and clean. Sometimes, when he takes the newspaper together, he will bump some other things. Of course, this behavior and attitude are unpleasant. When I ran into him, I couldn’t help saying a few words, accusing him of being so wrong.
  ”Poor people, you don’t have money to buy newspapers, you don’t read it anyway, I think it’s illegal?” Or: “This is public property, not your private property, you have more control over it.” He said The words will bluff the person, and he can only let him go crazy. Watching him swept away the newspapers on his desk, if he accidentally swept important documents, pens, and some office appliances into the basket, he should stop in time. Otherwise, he will leave with a basket on his back in a while.
  Later, I gradually heard of many of his deeds. Such as his romantic and madness, many absurd things in his youth. He was not as pitiful as he appeared, even to the point where he could not afford a newspaper. He retired from a very profitable unit and took a lot of pension every month. He is from a superior family, lives alone all the year round, and has better money than most of us, but his strange hobby can’t be explained by anyone. Carrying a basket on his back, he took turns to pick up newspapers from various units every month, carrying a basket and a basket back home. Most of those newspapers are the same, far beyond his reading needs. Some people accused him of reading newspapers, but in fact they collected the newspapers and transported them to the garbage station to sell them. This seems unbelievable. The undefended office is a vegetable garden where he can come and go freely, but no one wants to be honest with him.
  He came to report every once in a while, and it lasted for more than two years. He found my name in the personnel column on the wall. From then on, when he met him in the stairwell, he would call me confidently and loudly. I can’t understand his behavior of taking things casually, and I can’t understand his way of selling good things when he is cheap. Several times, he called me, but I was so angry that I shouldn’t let him go and just walk with my head. He didn’t get angry, and shouted with a smile on his face as usual: “Xiao Wang, Xiao Wang, you have a better attitude towards the people. I heard that you have a good literary talent. Look, I love reading books and newspapers. We are the same in this regard.” When he said this, I had to stop and greet him against my will.
  In fact, we privately speculated about his mental condition, and he might have something wrong somewhere. However, in accordance with the principle of voluntary application, he has not submitted an application, has no willingness to apply for a certificate, and has never encountered difficulties that hinder others or make his life unsustainable. Even knowing that he often does some innocuous things, everyone just laughed and didn’t treat him as a patient.
  If it hadn’t been for a pile of newspapers one day, I wouldn’t have noticed that he hadn’t come for a long time. As a newspaper scavenger, his absence reflects the clutter and crowding of the office. I had to squeeze a little time out of work, sort and tie up, and then call the garbage collectors and ask them to come and take them away. Several years passed and he never appeared again. Every time I sort out the newspaper, I think of him once. I guessed all kinds of possibilities, but I found nothing about him after inquiring about him. People are busy and busy, who has the time to pay attention to a trivial person?
  Once on a whim, I tried to enter a name I knew into the system, and there really was a record of him on it. Behind the name, place of origin, and home address, the words “Spirit 4” appeared suddenly. The dust settled, I was relieved. Perhaps his family finally paid attention to his problem and took on the responsibility of guardianship, so he could no longer move in and out of various units freely. I think of him less and less frequently, but with a little bit of sadness.