In most every western city in the United States there exists a
Pennsylvanian Society to which any genteel person is eligible provided
he or she hails from the classic precincts of the Keystone State, the
members of the society evidently being of the opinion that “Once a
Pennsylvanian, always a gentleman.”
The love of state is strong and it is beautiful to observe the
consideration shown to the denizens of the Smoky City by the dwellers
of the City of Brotherly Love, and also to see how freely the former
citizens of the oil region will hob-nob with the residents of the more
favored Harrisburg, Stroudsburg and Erie.
Such is the condition of affairs on the terrestrial planet during life
and it is not to be wondered at that the feeling would exist after the
inhabitants of Pennsylvania had taken a long flight to the planet Mars.
It was the latter part of the month of June, 1917, that Jim McKinstry,
Dan Francis and George W. Baxter, all formerly of Erie; Mark Luce,
Ed. M. Boynton, recently from the oil section; Peter McKeever, from
Pittsburgh, and some of the former Philadelphia boys met and talked
over the proposition of having a good old-fashioned Fourth of July
celebration on the occasion of the next Independence Day.
A number of gentlemen dropped in on the meeting from Pennsylvania, many
of whom had acquired national fame and whose names are household words
still on earth.
Telegraphers’ Tabernacle, on the planet Mars, was to be the place where
the happy event was to take place and the usual bulletin written by a
wireless wand on heaven’s bright empyrean gave notice to all of the
coming event.
“I wonder how these Pennsylvanians would like to have a visit from
the Chicago delegation,” ejaculated Ed. Whitford, “we have quite a
formidable crowd to introduce.”
A cordial invitation was extended the Chicago delegation and any other
members of the craft who wanted to come, and preparations for the
entertainment were immediately begun.
Wednesday, July 4, 1917, arrived and the grounds around Telegraphers’
Tabernacle, on the planet Mars, were the scene of much merriment, the
badges of the Keystone State being in evidence everywhere.
It was not what the people on Mother Earth would term a “sane”
Fourth, as there was a big display of firecrackers and the like,
the wish having been expressed that the occasion would be one of
the “old-fashioned” kind. Conditions were changed from those on
the terrestrial planet, there being nothing of a combustible or
inflammatory character on Mars which might invite a conflagration.
A brass band was heard in the distance playing that old song, “We are
Coming, Father Abraham, Six Hundred Thousand More,” and immediately
automobiles containing the Chicago delegation began to arrive.
Among them were the following: Frank M. and Newt Crittendon, Wm. Foley,
N. L. Boydston, C. H. Kelly, J. E. Zeublin, A. C. Thomas, John Boughan,
P. A. Rowe, Fred Swain, W. W. Wells, J. C. Delong, A. J. Long, John D.
Walker, T. P. Dudley, F. S. Kent, S. O. Bracken, Wm. Wallace, Jr., Al
Baker, W. C. Ramsdell, Col. J. J. S. Wilson, W. Chapman, S. C. Mason,
J. C. Springer, M. C. Bristol, C. H. Summers, G. W. Fulton, Francis W.
Jones, H. C. Maynard, E. S. Patton, W. A. Leary, John A. Strong, Luke
Fisher, H. G. McGill, Billy McMillen, C. M. Roebuck, Henry Tatge, J.
DeWitt Congdon, Harry S. Converse, Frank W. Farley, Jeff Prentice, Earl
Rudd, C. H. Haskins, C. W. Gearhart and many others, including a large
sprinkling of ladies.
Good natured chaffing was carried on, Charlie Roebuck being asked what
was done with that undistributed $300,000,000 his firm had in reserve.
“Oh, we bought Liberty Bonds with that money,” came the immediate and
patriotic reply.
Among other pieces played by the bands were, “We’ll Rally Round the
Flag, Boys, We’ll Rally Once Again”; “Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, the Boys are
Marching”; “Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean”; “America”; “Dixie Land,”
and such darky songs as “Darkies, Have You Seen the Massa, with the
Moustache on His Face, Walking Down the Road this Morning, Like He’s
Gwine to Leeb the Place?”
The Tabernacle was visited during the day by Generals Grant, Sherman,
McClellan, Sheridan, Franz Siegel, G. H. Thomas, Robert E. Lee,
Stonewall Jackson and many others, including all the Presidents back to
George Washington’s time.
Songs were sung, speeches made, music indulged in and a most enjoyable
and entertaining program was given.
The Philadelphia and Pittsburgh committees were unremitting in their
efforts and the Fourth of July, 1917, passed into history on the planet
Mars with pleasant memories and a strong feeling of meeting again and
often.
There was no great preparation among the whilom dwellers on the planet
Mars for their exodus to the planet Jupiter, and the long journey was
to be taken without any formality.
Professor Samuel F. B. Morse early indicated his willingness to
join the moving multitude and his decision was hailed with delight.
Professor Morse was in close conversation with Fred Moxon for several
hours prior to the departure.
Mr. Moxon had disclosed to Professor Morse his _modus operandi_ of
communication with Mother Earth and similar methods were arranged to
obtain signals from Jupiter after the arrival of the newcomers on the
planet.
It was an unknown and untried field which they were to invade, but,
realizing that God was present everywhere, there was no fear in the
spirit of the vast throng.
Goodbyes were heard on every side, but there was no sorrow expressed
and nothing occurred to mar the serenity and tranquillity of either
the travelers or those who remained. It was akin to the experience of
passing through the belief of death on earth, for there was no coming
back, but onward, upward to God’s immortal realm.
The firmament of the planet Mars was interestedly but not anxiously
scanned all day for some intelligence from the exodus party, and toward
evening of the same day they were rewarded by a flash on the sky,
written by wireless pen in the unmistakable chirography of Fred B.
Moxon. The message read as follows:
“Greetings from New Providence, Jupiter. God hath wrought wonders
and wonderful are His works. We arrived in high spirits, happy,
and will give more particulars later.
“Signed, S. F. B. Morse.”
The message occasioned much joy and satisfaction and further news was
looked for.
A few hours later the wireless wand began moving again, inditing a long
message from Professor Morse as follows:
“Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! We have just had a visit from Adam
and Eve. We have also met Noah, Abraham, Moses, David and Solomon,
and this evening we are to have a gathering of the entire family now
residing on the planet Jupiter.
“I find the Bible is historically correct as regards the names and
doings of the incidents recorded, and everything is very interesting
and absorbing to us. We have learned much already, but there is still a
great deal more to learn and to prove.”
A cry of joy went up from the readers of the message from Professor
Morse, many remembering how his first message, “What hath God wrought?”
had broken the fetters of time and annihilated space, and now comes a
second message to break the shackles of human belief.
All day and evening messages were exchanged between the planets Mars
and Jupiter, nothing undergoing censorship.
“Bogy” got in the first deadhead message to the Earth. It was addressed
to John B. Taltavall, publisher Telegraph and Telephone Age, and
announced his safe arrival on the planet Jupiter. He did not neglect
sending “73” to all of his friends on Earth.
_Adam Sends “73” to His Posterity_
Adam sent a message to his children, grandchildren _ad infinitum_. He
was at a loss what to say to the posterity on Earth, as his legacy to
them was a chapter of misery, but “Bogy,” with his usual effrontery and
nonchalance, remarked, “Why Grandpa Adam, just do as I did–send them
all your ‘73’”–which was done amid wild applause.
Noah, who was the first shipbuilder we know anything about, was
greatly interested in listening to Homer Hallock relate of the era of
shipbuilding on Earth.
Methusaleh smiled a trifle loftily when Jerry Newton told about the
Texas woman who still lives at 130 years. “She is not my class at all,”
ejaculated Methusaleh; “she belongs to Esau and Jacob and the younger
generation.”
Intense interest was manifested when Adam took the floor during the
evening for a little talk.
The newcomers are objects of much interest to the old sojourners on
Jupiter, there having been no accessions from the Earth or Mars for as
much as a thousand years, as nearly as anyone could reckon time, there
being no established manner of computing the years.
Mark Twain, America’s great humorist, was with the new arrivals from
Mars and, true to his colors, facetiously asked Nero if he would not
play the Sailors’ Hornpipe on his fiddle, so all could have a dance,
and wonderful to relate, Nero produced the instrument and graciously
played the piece.
The last seen of Twain was down at the levee, where he found Samson,
the strong man, to whom he related the doings of the latter day
gladiators.
Later in the day Professor Morse read a communication from Mother Earth
filled with good news from the great war, and there was much rejoicing,
even Nebuchadnezzar and Confucius, China’s greatest philosopher,
showing their interest.
Franklin L. Pope discovered that the telephone was known and worked by
the denizens of Jupiter in prehistoric days and it was developed by
Charles A. Tinker that the quadruplex was worked more than ten thousand
years ago. These facts, however, should not take any lustre from the
endearing names of Morse, Edison, Vail and others, who rediscovered
both of these wonderful accessories to human convenience and gave them
to the world.
