Communication on social media takes up a huge part of life these days.
Unlike face-to-face communication, online “cloud” communication often leads to alienated and weak interpersonal relationships. People often start communicating without ever seeing each other or knowing each other’s names.
But it is very easy to cause harm to others or be harmed by others only by communicating through words. We need to distinguish between the meaning expressed by others and our own thoughts, and we cannot take it for granted to use our own thoughts to speculate on the intentions of others. When it’s hard to tell the difference, we can easily become overwhelmed and blue.
Social media communication has information limitations.
Usually , when we communicate, we can understand each other’s intentions through the following information:
1. Facial expression;
2. Voice tone;
3. Body language;
4. Language content;
5. Understanding of the background situation.
But when communicating on social media, most of the time we can only have a conversation with “verbal content”. By communicating with a single message, the less information we have, the more we have to explain individually.
Social media is a useful tool for connecting people thousands of miles apart while building more “cloud” relationships. But at the same time, it can also prevent us from accurately understanding the intention of the other party’s speech due to information constraints.
Social media communication is anonymous and offensive.
In the online world, due to the anonymity of social media, everyone can easily hide themselves and release the unfettered “self”. Communications that take place on social media are therefore often offensive.
In the anonymous online world, the repressed and provocative “id” will wear a mask to live, and the sense of superiority will be distorted and magnified.
On social media, people can use violence to highlight their own sense of existence. It can not only hide our original appearance, but also create another completely different appearance and identity.
It’s OK to Get Hurt
Don’t feel stupid or weak just because you’re so easily swayed or upset by other people’s judgments. The meaning of our existence is not to gain someone’s approval.
Sometimes, we can be left alone for long periods of time because of things that no one else can remember. For example, a child may live a life of resentment because of a small incident that the parents have forgotten. Because of an unintentional joke from a colleague, some people may resign and leave the company. A joke between friends can also be a reason to break up a relationship. We need to be generous in acknowledging that we are all soft, vulnerable beings who want approval from others.
Our mood will be affected by bad comments, and we will be sad all day long because of malicious words on chat software, because these words violate our desire to be recognized. So how do we ease this sad and painful feeling?
Two wise ways to deal with bad comments
1. Distinguish between other people’s expressions and our own interpretation How should
we treat people who hurt us with words?
Dr. Marshall Luxemburg, who proposed the concept of non-violent communication, believes that the other party’s attack is not aimed at you, but that he expresses his failed appeal in a negative way.
Therefore, it is pointless to try to understand malicious speech. This is because, to understand a person who has been talking violently for a long time, one cannot just rely on a few comments from him, but to understand his past life trajectory. That is to say, stripping yourself out quickly is a smart way to deal with malicious speech.
He’s not targeting me, he’s just expressing his thoughts.
The point here is that we need to learn how to protect ourselves, instead of equating each other’s ideas with our own.
In addition, figuring out what you can and cannot control is the starting point for self-protection.
2. Don’t be obsessed with ideas, but grasp the core appeal.
At the moment of being hurt, some people will focus more on sad and sad emotions, while others will pay more attention to failed and important appeals.
When we are attacked with malicious words, important appeals may include:
Inherent dignity
Preservation of our own and family’s honor and rights
Recognition of our own efforts
Human freedoms
Want to preserve The truth and justice
…
The process from repeatedly chewing on the other party’s offensive words to recognizing one’s own important core demands is a powerful cognitive transformation.
When people criticize others, they must be trying to satisfy some demands.
Criticism is just a means in the communication process, not the end. The purpose comes from the appeal, and the appearance of all behaviors is due to the inner appeal and desire. Rather than fighting back, ignoring, and avoiding malicious language, it is more tactful to focus on what the other person wants when they start blaming us. Please keep telling yourself: “The reason why he is unhappy is because his inner demands have not been met.”
